Every TUOHK student knows the dread of landing on a Tuee Report square. The music kicks in, the app pauses, and your academic fate hangs in the balance. Some reports lift you up. Others? They send you spiraling into the kind of despair usually reserved for lost library books.

Here are the Top 5 Most Brutal Tuee Reports ever to hit the halls of The University of Hard Knocks — and a few tips to survive the academic apocalypse.

1. “Your Thesis Was Found Plagiarized… By Your Future Self.”
Lose two degrees immediately and question everything you know about time management. Survival tip: blame the multiverse, then rebuild your reputation one correct answer at a time.

2. “You’ve Been Reassigned to the Faculty of Interpretive Dance.”
Return to the Hub, re-roll your dice, and hope nobody saw your performance. Survival tip: embrace it — confidence counts as extra credit.

3. “Dean’s Audit: All Students Must Re-Sit Their Exams.”
Everyone loses one degree. It’s chaos. Friendships crumble. Survival tip: laugh it off — misery loves academic company.

4. “Your Experiment Exploded (Spectacularly).”
Miss a turn while your eyebrows grow back. Survival tip: brag about it — the Tuees still talk about the 2007 Bunsen Burner Incident.

5. “Your Funding Has Been Suspended Pending Review.”
Return all your degrees to the table. Ouch. Survival tip: write a heartfelt plea to Mrs. Tuee and hope for leniency (or just roll a six).

The trick to surviving these catastrophes is to play with grace — and a good sense of humour. After all, TUOHK isn’t just about winning; it’s about enduring the unpredictable, laughing at your losses, and collecting stories to tell between rounds.

So the next time you draw a Tuee Report, take a deep breath. You’re not being punished — you’re earning your education, one ridiculous plot twist at a time.